How Brit are you? Test yourself with this simple quiz...

1) What is a hard shoulder?
a) An unsympathetic friend?
b) Emergency lane on a British motorway?
c) Tennis injury claimed by Tim Henman after getting knocked out of Wimbledon?
d) Tone control setting used by British DJs?

2) A man goes into a consulting room complaining of a pain in the Khyber, what does the sign on the door say?
a) Proctologist?
b) Dentist?
c) Cardiologist?
d) Vet?

3) What is a sure fire bet for identifying a true gentleman?
a) Well polished, bench-made shoes?
b) Pin striped suit?
c) Floral boxer shorts?
d) Umbrella?

4) A man says there's a strange geezer in his local; what was it?
a) A guest ale in his favourite pub?
b) A particularly strong smelling fart?
c) Someone from out of town drinking a multicolored cocktail?
d) A new beer dispenser?

5) A wanker is...?
a) A merchant banker?
b) An asshole (metaphorical)?
c) A 100 pound note?
d) A block of tobacco?

6) Which of the following is it illegal to sell on a Sunday?
a) Tennis raquets?
b) Spirits above 37 degrees proof?
c) Pornographic magazines?
d) Fish and Chips?

7) You are knocked up one morning. What would you do?
a) Go to a pharmacy for a morning-after pill?
b) Go to the casulty department of your local hospital?
c) Get out of bed?
d) Go to the police to report the theft?

8) Greg Rudecki has just won Wimbledon. What nationality is he?
a) Canadian?
b) British?

9) A dago, a chink, a sherman, and a frog meet in the clink, what are they doing there?
a) They're four foreigners in prison?
b) They're types of girder holding up the London Eye?.
c) At the army base, they're ranks of soldier?
d) At the transport depot - they're different types of bus?

10) Someone calls you a tosser, are you...
a) Happy, it's a term for someone who's capable of hard work?
b) Angered, it's another word for a wanker?
c) Happy, it means a generous person, though he's probably after a free pint?

11) Freddie Mercury of Queen was a...?
a) Bass?
b) Drummer?
c) O.B.E.?
d) Bender?

12) The tube...?
a) Is a cheap form of transport?
b) Is the world's third-oldest underground railway?
c) Was used as a bomb shelter during the war?
d) Is a slang name for a woman's private parts?

13) Greg Rudecki has just been knocked out of the early stages of Wimbledon. What nationality is he?
a) Canadian?
b) British?

14) This Parrot is...?
a) Deceased?
b) Amazonian?
c) Alive and well and living in Torquay?

15) What's a marracock?
a) A ham and Guiness pie?
b) A small stain on one's trouser fly?
c) Nothing, I'm fine, thanks.
d) A slang name for a woman's private parts?

16) Jerry Springer is:
a) British by birth?
b) A former mayor of Ithaca?
c) Not a suitable subject for an opera?
d) The name of Tony Blair's dog?

17) Tony Blair was...
a) The President of England?
b) The black rod?
c) George Bush's poodle?
d) The Chancellor?

18) Why is Britain obsessed with pink bits?
a) There's a bad dose of the clap going round...?
b) They're its former colonies, so coloured on an Imperial map?
c) Women are no longer allowed to bathe naked if they've had a Brazillian?
d) They're the financial pages of the daily papers?

19) A Prince Albert is...?
a) A black eye?
b) Fish, chips and mushy peas?
c) A 2 pint glass of beer?
d) A male genital piercing?

20)The World's greatest pop group is..?
a) The Eagles?
b) Kraftwerk?
c) INXS?
d) The Beatles?

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